Don’t let this photo fool you.
Pregnancy was anything BUT glamorous for me, and even though my daughter is my whole entire life, it is an experience that I’m not likely to repeat…
Let me explain
When I was 27, I had a vivid dream that I was holding a curly-haired baby girl, and in my heart and soul, I knew I would have a baby soon.
At that time, we weren’t trying, but my husband would be thirty soon, and I convinced him that we should begin family planning…
Two months later, I was pregnant
As soon as my husband and I discussed the possibility of having a baby, I stopped my anti-depressants—including Zoloft and Xanax.
These medications are essential for my health, and being off of them (along with the hormonal roller coaster ride that is pregnancy) made me extremely anxious.
Every single day I was convinced something bad was going to happen to the baby.
I think deep down, I felt like it was too good to be true—too miraculous to be real—and I was extremely anxious.
This began to change when I could feel the baby’s kicks…
That became the best part of pregnancy for me. Her kicks were my reassurance that she was okay, and my God was she active!
Soon after that, though, I was diagnosed with Choleostasis, which is a condition of the liver that can cause complications in the child, including stillbirth.
My pregnancy became high risk, and my nerves were back to an ALL TIME high.
I did not relax until I was in the hospital room, induced, and about to give birth.
That’s finally when I felt I could breathe, because I knew I was in good hands…
And when they put my daughter on my chest…
Well, that was the most beautiful moment of my entire life.