I’m usually an open book, but there’s one thing I haven’t talked about yet…
It’s not because I’m ashamed or worried about what people might think
It’s because I genuinely don’t understand what is going on or why, so I hope that by talking about this publicly, I might be able to get some answers:
I sometimes feel like I’m someone else
Like literally–an identity that is entirely different than my own
I’m a Pakistani-American Muslim girl that lives in Texas, has a toddler, and is happily. married, but often, I’ll experience intense flashes of someone else’s life, which will last sometimes a few seconds to a few hours:
An extremely introverted teenage boy (caucasian) who lives with an alcoholic / abusive single father
A different gender. A different race. A different family dynamic.
We literally don’t have any similarities, yet from time to time, It’ll be like I’m seeing through his eyes. I’m experiencing something even though I’m not there…
I know this sounds crazy, and maybe that’s just it.
Maybe I’m literally insane, but there has to be a better explanation than that.
Who is he?
I don’t believe in past lives, but it sure as hell feels like one.
I’ve been seeing these flashes of his life since high school–so intensely in fact that I wrote an entire book based on his character
I used to think it was just a character I made up in my head, but it feels like so much more. It feels like I am him–but I’m also me. It’s hard to explain.
Is he even real?
I don’t know, and so far, my therapist doesn’t have a solid explanation for this either.
But it’s something we are going to explore deeper next time we talk.
I got cheated on by my ex fiancé after 7 years of being together, so I was the one to break up with him back in 2013…
It was my first breakup, and I was not emotionally equipped to process what id been through.
Let me provide some background
My ex and I had a truly toxic and co-dependent relationship.
For the entirety of the 7 years that we were together, we were either talking morning to night or physically together. We even fell asleep on the phone.
He wanted all my attention to belong to him, so slowly, he cut me off from friends and even distanced me from my own family members, including my sister.
When I found out he cheated on me, he literally went from being the only person I talked to for nearly a decade to a complete stranger: number blocked, social media blocked, etc.
And actually, the break up happened over the phone as he’d cheated on me while being out of town…
So there was truly a lack of closure in that regard.
It felt like he had died.
The first thing I did when we broke up was to message the “other girl” and tell her to make sure she was there for him since he’d thrown away our relationship for her.
Then, I messaged his friends to check in with him as I knew he had extreme mental health issues and suicidal tendencies.
Even after getting cheated on, my first instinct was to MAKE SURE HE WAS OK, and I’m not proud of a lot in my life—but I’m proud as hell at how I handled that situation.
Then, I began to distract myself.
I developed a social life after being isolated for the entirety of my high school and college years.
For the first time I could do whatever I wanted, and honestly, it was the best feeling in the world.
I bumped into an old friend (and a former crush) soon after — literally three weeks after my other relationship ended — and we began hanging out.
I tried to take it slow, but I was just so into him…
And he was so into me…
6 months later we were engaged.
Now in the first 6 months of us dating, I was seeing a psychiatrist to deal with the anxiety and depression of my failed engagement and being cheated on.
They prescribed me to Zoloft and I feel the medication suppressed my emotion.
I didn’t let myself FEEL or PROCESS the emotions of the trauma I went through, and after getting engaged again to Naush, I felt so happy that I quit the medication.
That is when all my trauma surfaced and it was one of the hardest things I’ve been through…
I became so paranoid that Naush would cheat on me too. It became an obsessive phobia—something I would literally thing about almost 100x or more a day.
It was so unhealthy, and it was then that the real healing began for me:
I re-started my medication
I started seeing a therapist
I began to meditate
I read books on intrusive thoughts and phobias to better understand what was happening in my mind
I kept naush in the loop with my psychiatrist and therapist so he understood what I was going through
I made lots of incredible friends
I picked up new hobbies
All these things helped me tremendously, and honestly time does heal a lot. If you’re going through a breakup, block your ex. Cut all communication. Build a support system. Try therapy and meds if necessary. Meditate. Exercise. Find a new hobby. Travel. Glow up, and be the best version of you—
Because the best version of you will help attract the one who is truly worthy of you. I truly believe this.
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