Who Inspires me the Most?

My father immigrated to the US from Pakistan during college & began to attend school at the University of Houston.

He later graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering, but right as he graduated, the economy collapsed and he was unable to find a job in his field.

He began to sell insurance—but he was the only person of color in his company, and this led to conflict with his co-workers.

He was let go, so he ended up starting his own insurance company.

At the time, all he had enough money for was a phone and one month’s rent…

He had a wife and baby (me) that were dependent on him, and I remember growing up in his office.

Well, from that single office unit selling insurance—my dad has built a multi-million empire of various companies.

When faced with a challenge, he does not give up.

He’s extremely creative and is constantly coming up with new business ideas.

Even in his 60s, he hustles harder than almost everyone else I know…

And every single day, it is my father who inspires me to be the best I can.

My Greatest Realization During my Aunt’s Battle with COVID

My aunt was recently able to get off the ventilator, which is EXTREMELY exciting news for my family, but there’s a long way to go still for her to heal and come home…

We are so grateful for good that she was successfully extubated.

There came a point where all of us were extremely worried and were mentally preparing for the worst, but God is good. I believe fully that He will help bring her home, inshAllah…

During the emotional roller coaster that’s been the last two weeks, I saw our family come together in a way I’d never seen before.

All of our family members began praying daily, updating each other, leaned on each other for support, organized charity in my aunt’s name, and more.

My cousin’s husband, even though not related to my aunt by blood, stayed by my aunt’s side at the hospital despite the risk of getting COVID with two young children at home (allowed in Pakistan).

I have the utmost respect for him…

And I realized, even though our family is all on different continents, and I get extremely busy from time to time…

These are the people who would be there for me God forbid something ever happen.

And I’m going to be a lot more proactive about calling and visiting my relatives.

Once my aunt comes home inshAllah, I can’t wait to go to Pakistan again and see everyone–and show Lily the land where she is from.

A Major Life Update…

I honestly didn’t think this day would come so soon

Today, we passed over the keys of the business I began 8 years ago to a new owner…

And said goodbye to the students & staff of the school that has been my home for nearly a decade

I’ve been ready for this—but when it happened, I wasn’t prepared for how emotional it would be to walk away

And to know I wasn’t coming back.

I’ll share more about what lies next for me, and why we made this decision, but for now I’m taking a moment to pause and take a deep breath before moving forward

Bismillah

I Need Help…

I’m usually an open book, but there’s one thing I haven’t talked about yet…

It’s not because I’m ashamed or worried about what people might think

It’s because I genuinely don’t understand what is going on or why, so I hope that by talking about this publicly, I might be able to get some answers:

I sometimes feel like I’m someone else

Like literally–an identity that is entirely different than my own

I’m a Pakistani-American Muslim girl that lives in Texas, has a toddler, and is happily. married, but often, I’ll experience intense flashes of someone else’s life, which will last sometimes a few seconds to a few hours:

An extremely introverted teenage boy (caucasian) who lives with an alcoholic / abusive single father 

A different gender. A different race. A different family dynamic.

We literally don’t have any similarities, yet from time to time, It’ll be like I’m seeing through his eyes. I’m experiencing something even though I’m not there…

I know this sounds crazy, and maybe that’s just it.

Maybe I’m literally insane, but there has to be a better explanation than that.

Who is he?

I don’t believe in past lives, but it sure as hell feels like one. 

I’ve been seeing these flashes of his life since high school–so intensely in fact that I wrote an entire book based on his character

I used to think it was just a character I made up in my head, but it feels like so much more. It feels like I am him–but I’m also me. It’s hard to explain.

Is he even real? 

I don’t know, and so far, my therapist doesn’t have a solid explanation for this either.

But it’s something we are going to explore deeper next time we talk.

10/7-10/12 #HappyDays

10/7 Naush took the day off for his birthday and we went to eat poutine, walked at the park, got Crumbl cookies, picked Lily up from school & did dinner at El Tiempo

10/8 Dropped Lily off at school and went to Gangnam Spa

10/9 Birthday lunch with the fam

10/10 Pumpkin Patch

10/11 Dads birthday

10/14 Furniture Shopping

 

 

What My “Perfect” Routine Would Be–If I Could Stick to Routines

I’m going to be honest…

I struggle with routines.

I kind of prefer to live each day a little differently, because it helps make each day more memorable

But I also recognize that routines help to create habits, which lead to success.

So, I more or less like to follow this outline for day to day…

Schedule: 

6:30am Wake up to pray Fajr + get ready / drink tea / plan my day until Lily wakes up

8am Get Lily ready and drop her to school

9:30am-2:30pm Work (I’m a blogger/content creator full-time now, so this means a lot of emails, filming, writing, replying to comments, etc.)

2:30pm-3:30pm Lunch, Pray, and Nap

3:30pm-5:30pm Adventures with Lily (park, ice cream, snow cones, play dates, etc.)

5:30pm-7:30pm Dinner + Care for the farm animals

7:30-8:30pm Family Time

8:30pm-9pm Lily’s bed time routine

9pm-10pm Yoga, Prayer, Meditation with Naush

10pm Sleep!

How to Heal After a Breakup

I got cheated on by my ex fiancé after 7 years of being together, so I was the one to break up with him back in 2013…

It was my first breakup, and I was not emotionally equipped to process what id been through.

Let me provide some background

My ex and I had a truly toxic and co-dependent relationship.

For the entirety of the 7 years that we were together, we were either talking morning to night or physically together. We even fell asleep on the phone.

He wanted all my attention to belong to him, so slowly, he cut me off from friends and even distanced me from my own family members, including my sister.

When I found out he cheated on me, he literally went from being the only person I talked to for nearly a decade to a complete stranger: number blocked, social media blocked, etc.

And actually, the break up happened over the phone as he’d cheated on me while being out of town…

So there was truly a lack of closure in that regard.

It felt like he had died.

The first thing I did when we broke up was to message the “other girl” and tell her to make sure she was there for him since he’d thrown away our relationship for her.

Then, I messaged his friends to check in with him as I knew he had extreme mental health issues and suicidal tendencies.

Even after getting cheated on, my first instinct was to MAKE SURE HE WAS OK, and I’m not proud of a lot in my life—but I’m proud as hell at how I handled that situation.

Then, I began to distract myself.

I developed a social life after being isolated for the entirety of my high school and college years.

For the first time I could do whatever I wanted, and honestly, it was the best feeling in the world.

I bumped into an old friend (and a former crush) soon after — literally three weeks after my other relationship ended — and we began hanging out.

I tried to take it slow, but I was just so into him…

And he was so into me…

6 months later we were engaged.

Now in the first 6 months of us dating, I was seeing a psychiatrist to deal with the anxiety and depression of my failed engagement and being cheated on.

They prescribed me to Zoloft and I feel the medication suppressed my emotion.

I didn’t let myself FEEL or PROCESS the emotions of the trauma I went through, and after getting engaged again to Naush, I felt so happy that I quit the medication.

That is when all my trauma surfaced and it was one of the hardest things I’ve been through…

I became so paranoid that Naush would cheat on me too. It became an obsessive phobia—something I would literally thing about almost 100x or more a day.

It was so unhealthy, and it was then that the real healing began for me:

  1. I re-started my medication
  2. I started seeing a therapist
  3. I began to meditate
  4. I read books on intrusive thoughts and phobias to better understand what was happening in my mind
  5. I kept naush in the loop with my psychiatrist and therapist so he understood what I was going through
  6. I made lots of incredible friends
  7. I picked up new hobbies
  8. And more…

All these things helped me tremendously, and honestly time does heal a lot. If you’re going through a breakup, block your ex. Cut all communication. Build a support system. Try therapy and meds if necessary. Meditate. Exercise. Find a new hobby. Travel. Glow up, and be the best version of you—

Because the best version of you will help attract the one who is truly worthy of you. I truly believe this.