How Are You Really Doing?

Today, someone asked me how I was really doing.

I’m not sure why that made me pause. I suppose it’s because I’m so used to being asked “how are you” in more of a I-don’t-actually-give-AF manner, but this time was different. It felt like a loaded question.

How was I really doing?

I talk about mental health a lot online, but when was the last time I truly checked in with myself?

If I’m being honest—with myself, with you—life has been like a fog lately. A thick, grey fog.

I can’t seem to clear the cloud in my mind. I can’t seem to do much of anything, really. My to-do list is growing longer and longer, but the items remain unchecked.

Am I lazy?

Or am I burnt out?

Is it something else entirely?

You might scoff if I mention that I have ADHD. I didn’t have it as a child. It appeared in my mid-twenties and has only worsened with age.

“She’s always trying to come up with new problems for attention,” you might say. “Along with her BPD, anxiety, insomnia…”

I’d argue then that mental health issues are more interrelated than we might realize, and here is where the real problem comes in.

I can take a pill for my BPD, and it helps. But if I take a pill for my ADHD, it makes my BPD worse, which makes everything worse…

There is no quick fix.

This time, I must get to the source of the fog if I hope to clear it, but every time I try, I get distracted.

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